Anger is a common human emotion, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a victim of this negative emotion.
As adults, we have an obligation to society and ourselves to avoid allowing our emotions from getting the best of us.
Below are 11 tips you can use to get a handle on your anger when it flares up.
But first, a quick story…
The Monk and The Boat
A monk decides to meditate alone, away from his monastery.
He takes his boat out to the middle of the lake, moors it there, closes his eyes and begins his meditation.
After a few hours of undisturbed silence, he suddenly feels the bump of another boat colliding with his own.
With his eyes still closed, he senses his anger rising, and by the time he opens his eyes, he is ready to scream at the boatman who dared to disturb his meditation.
But when he opens his eyes, he sees it’s an empty boat that had probably got untethered and floated to the middle of the lake.
At that moment, the monk achieves self-realization. He understands that the anger is within him — it merely needed the bump of an external object to provoke it out of him.
From then on, whenever he came across someone who irritated him or provoked him to anger, he reminded himself,
“The other person is merely an empty boat. The anger is within me.”
11 Tips For Managing The Anger Within
There are many responses you can choose when faced with a situation that makes your blood boil. A responsible person finds a way to cool their anger and find peace.
Learn to manage your anger and arrive at a peaceful solution with these strategies:
Consider the negative consequences of anger. It’s tempting to run with your anger in the short-term but giving in to anger can cause even more challenges. Before lashing out or taking what you consider to be appropriate steps, think about how things will be when the dust settles.
Give yourself a timeout. Timeouts aren’t just for little kids. Adults need timeouts, too. Give yourself a few minutes to allow a level of reason to return to your brain. You’ll be in a better position to make appropriate decisions.
Let others be wrong. You don’t have to prove that someone is wrong. Just let them be wrong. If you have a strong desire to prove to them that they’re wrong, that’s just your ego barking.
Decide if happiness or being right is more important. Many arguments are the result of wanting to be right. If you choose happiness over winning every argument, you can enjoy your life much more. Which is more important to you?
Take a minute to notice your anger. Instead of mindlessly reacting to your anger, take a moment to examine it. Pretend you’re a third-party witnessing your anger. What does it feel like to you? Is the feeling in your stomach, chest, or head? Is your heart beating faster? Are your hands shaking?
By disengaging from your anger, you can gain a different perspective and de-energize your emotions.
Ask yourself why you’re upset. Did someone physically harm you? Did they let you down? Violate one of your values? Figure out why you’re upset, and you’ll be halfway to finding a solution.
Focus on the big picture. Imagine that you knew the world would come to an end next Friday. Would you really be upset if someone stole your parking space? Of course not.
Look for solutions, rather than making yourself feel better.Acting in anger is about making yourself feel better. Rather than seeking to even the score, work on finding a solution. The outcome is much better.
Be sure you understand the situation. Why get angry before you know the facts? Ensure the issue isn’t actually a miscommunication.
Learn relaxation techniques. The calmer and more relaxed you are on a regular basis, the less likely you are to become angry. Relaxation techniques can also be helpful after the fact. Learn how to relax yourself. It’s a skill that can be learned.
See your anger as a practice opportunity to find peace. Each time you feel upset, view the situation as a chance to practice your anger-management skills. It’s a blessing in disguise. Commit yourself to handling this bout of anger better than you did the last time.
The bottom line is you’ll want to slow down in the moment ans avoid letting anger get the best of you.
As a Thinline Hero and a thoughtful human being, you have options available to you. Seek to find solutions and peace rather than giving in to your immediate impulses.
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